what your favorite house party character says about you

As promised, we’re continuing the decidedly unoriginal series that tells you who you are based on your favorite House Party character. Because if anyone knows who you are, it’s certainly a bunch of video game developers and a blog writer in her mid-twenties who has no idea what she’s doing with her life… Yikes, okay, let’s get this show on the road before this gets too deep.

Madison

Besides your borderline unjustified hatred for your siblings, you feel connected to Madison because of your shared love for art. Paint by the numbers? So, what? Art mirrors life, and isn’t life just one big painting by the numbers? Graduate high school, don’t do drugs, go to college, get a 9-5 and waste your life away so capitalist America can profit off your existence – isn’t that how it’s supposed to go? So, if you’re painting by the numbers of life, and sometimes things bleed out a bit – hey, that’s just art at its finest. And all that spiritual mumbo jumbo? Even though you know that’s bullshit, you love it because it gives you something to obsess about instead of your own spiraling existential dread.

Ashley

If one thing is sure, it’s that you hate pranks. Much like Ashley’s disdain for her sister’s constant shenanigans, you find pranks (especially the ones centered on you) to be immature and annoying. Ashley’s probably your go-to gal because 1. Who doesn’t love a zebra tank top? And 2. You always wished you could pull off a side part, but you just can’t. Ugh. Okay – maybe the side part thing is a stretch. Anyways, you’re down-to-earth, well-rounded, and intelligent enough to navigate a friend group filled with metaphorical Franks and Leahs. Oh, and you absolutely love a good time, but not such a good time that you become a Patrick because… well, Patrick sucks.

Katherine

You’re witty, clever, and take no shit – at least, that’s what you tell yourself. That’s probably why Katherine attracts you: her no-nonsense attitude, followed by her overflow of information once she trusts you, mirrors your shitload of self-confidence. If it’s not your opinion, it’s wrong, and you have no shame about that. We’re going to guess that your romantic partners either have no thoughts of their own, or they have just as many opinions as you, and you guys don’t always (if ever) meet eye to eye.

Rachael

Well, we know for sure that you’re guarded. Once people carefully get to know you, though, you’re pretty cool and always have wild stories to tell. Much like Rachael’s got her secret flower tattoo, you’ve got your fair share of knick-knacks or weird-smelling erasers that you don’t show people until you’re sure they can be trusted. Rachael resonates with you because you don’t put up with shitheads like Patrick (Ugh, Patrick), and you’re always one alcoholic beverage away from knocking some idiot dude on his ass. Oh, and you never back down from a dare – which is why the Vickie Vixen shenanigans really hit home for you.

Stephanie

Oh, Stephanie lovers. You share Stephanie’s exact level of over-the-top (pun intended) confidence and love that she is willing to get low. Literally – like, so low we’re not sure how her AI knees move like that. Much like Stephanie, you enjoy a good time, mainly if that good time includes whip-its. Everyone seems to have opinions about your choices on the weekends – but hey, that’s on them. Underneath it all, you’re quite smart – and when it comes to it, you will do anything to help someone else out. Keep doing you, Stephanie fans, because we all know Stephanie will continue doing her.

Perhaps this list will give you insight into your true self – or perhaps it’ll have you wondering what the heck we’re going on about now. Regardless, we love you for spending your time at our House Party. While Frank may be guarding the alcohol, we certainly aren’t, and we hope you find every hidden bottle of Natty Lite around (hint: there are six). If you want to figure out where the six are, we just want to warn you that Frank and Leah are always one step away from knocking your lights out. So – be careful… but not too careful… if you get our gist.